Blackmoor Vituperative

I have decided to start a diet. I am tired of being fat, and I obviously do not have the motivation to work out like a fiend. After careful consideration of my lifestyle, I designed a diet for myself. I am calling it The Bloody Mary Diet. Each day, my main food intake will be:

• two slices of high-fiber bread
• one can of premium white tuna
• two glasses of spicy V8 juice (sometimes with a splash of vodka)

I may augment this from time to time with a modest serving of dinner, but I am going to drastically reduce the size of my portions.