Blackmoor Vituperative

Fake crab meat. You know what I’m talking about: that sweet, white-with-red-stripes substance that you can get for about one-quarter the price of real crab meat. I love it. I can eat a pound of it at a time (preferably cold).

But I always wondered where this stuff came from. From a factory somewhere, certainly. But how is it made? Like sausage? Like lunch meat? Like soylent green?

Today I found out:

How products are made — imitation crab meat

Wow. I had no idea that the underlying technology that makes fake crab meat possible had been kicking around since the 16th century. That’s wild. I also would never have guessed that the sugar and sorbitol in fake crab meat served an essential manufacturing purpose. I always just figured it was there to make the product sweeter so that we fat-assed Americans would buy it.

The Internet really is amazing, you know. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.