Blackmoor Vituperative

I think it’s time to address the elephant in the room. We all know it, and no one wants to say it. Well, I am done with the charade.

Babies are stupid and ugly. No one’s baby is “beautiful”. No one’s baby is “smart”. They are misshapen, shrieking lumps that can’t read or write or tell what is edible and what isn’t. Not only that, but they smell bad: a combination of poop, stale sweat, and spoiled milk.

I don’t mind if you bring your baby to a movie — you are the bad parent, not me. But if it makes noise, I can and will ask you to take the ugly, stupid, foul-smelling creature outside. Having a baby to take care of does not give you special permission to ruin a movie for 400 other people. You chose to have it: we didn’t. We didn’t bring our barking dogs and pneumatic wrenches to the movie, did we? Why do you suppose that is? Think real hard.

That goes for anywhere else in public, too. If you can’t keep your larva quiet, keep it somewhere where it isn’t causing a nuisance for everyone else. Home, your car, or wherever: just not near me.