Blackmoor Vituperative

Jon Stewart asks, “When did Ron Paul become the thirteenth floor of a hotel?” The answer is simple: he isn’t part of the play. In the theatre of the absurd that is American politics, every actor has his part. As long as they say the right lines, stand on their mark, and respond on cue, the show goes on, and they get their moment in the spotlight.

For people who haven’t been invited to perform — or worse, who demand to write their own lines — there is no star on the door, no spotlight, and no media coverage.

The thing about the sneetches is that they know they are all the same. The trick is to make us (and by “us”, I mean you) think they are different, and that the conflict on stage has any meaning other than something to distract us and keep us in our seats. While the simpletons in the audience cheer for the star-bellies or revile the plain-bellies, the ticket counter stays open, and the sneetches are all happy.

What I am listening to while I work, at the moment: a podcast from Paul Gilmartin (one of the hosts from Dinner and a Movie), having a conversation with Frank Conniff (most well-known for his work on Mystery Science Theater 3000).

Paul: “Frank, how’re you doing?”
Frank: “Other than my crippling depression, I’m doing great.”

I am going to post a photo of a coffee mug every day in August, and talk a little bit about where we got it and why I like it.

This mug has a photo of Joel and the bots. That’s Crow T. Robot on the left, and Tom Servo on the right. I bought this mug back in the mid-1990s. This is actually the second mug I bought with Joel on it: I dropped the first one, and broke it. You can’t buy these anymore.

Joel, Crow, and Tom are characters from a show that ran in the 1990s called Mystery Science Theater 3000. Susan introduced me to the show, after reading about it in a magazine. I fell in love with it instantly. I have every episode (commercial versions where they are available; Digital Archive Project versions where commercial versions do not yet exist), and I watch them regularly, typically in bed as I am going to sleep. It’s gotten so that I find it more difficult to go to sleep without it playing.

This cup has faded over time. I wash it by hand, and rarely use it, but time is unkind of photo-printed ceramic cups. But as long as this cup lasts, Joel and the bots are immortal.

Watched “I Am Number Four” with Susan last night instead of going out to see Green Lantern. It was much better than I expected. It’s the first movie-adaptation of a 1980s television show that I’ve seen that’s actually better than the show it was based on (“The Powers Of Matthew Star”).

Personally, I am done with Game Of Thrones. I gave it a fair shot, I think. The only part of the show I actually like is the opening credits. I made it to the eighth or ninth episode before I gave up on the show. I kept thinking, “it has to get better”. Apparently, it doesn’t. If I wanted to watch people I dislike doing things I dislike, I would watch the news. In fact, it reminds me a great deal of Desperate Housewives (although the scenery in Game Of Thrones is obviously much better).

Eh. It’s easy to be a critic. Game Of Thrones is a well made show, I will definitely give it that. Top marks for production, and the actors are genuinely talented across the board. That’s why I watched it as long as I did.

I know that abuses of power happened in the good old days. I know that rights were trampeled, people were railroaded, and that race or social connections meant more than evidence of guilt or innocence. Still, it’s worthwhile to recall that there was a time when people knew right from wrong, even if they didn’t live up their own ideals.

I’m not sure how much weight to give a silly television show’s version of what the United States used to be about. And I know there were no “good old days”. Still, it’s enough to make me wonder if maybe one or two things used to be better than they are now.

Well, it turns out that Adrianne Palicki will not, in fact, play Wonder Woman in a new TV reboot of the classic Linda Carter series.

David E. Kelley’s “Wonder Woman” television series has failed to find a network pickup at NBC, says a story at The Hollywood Reporter.

The series was planned as a reinvention of the iconic DC Comics title in which Wonder Woman (Adrianne Palicki) is both a vigilante crime fighter in Los Angeles, a successful corporate executive (as her alter ego, Diana Prince) and a modern woman trying to balance all of the elements of her extraordinary life.

The pilot was written by Kelley and directed by Jeffrey Reiner (“The Event”) and also featured Elizabeth Hurley, Pedro Pascal, Tracie Thoms and Cary Elwes in the cast.

With NBC declining to give the go-ahead, it is unlikely that the comic book adaptation will see the light of day as a series.

(from SuperHeroHype, NBC Passes on Wonder Woman)

Not much I can add to that. Sorry, Adrianne. Better luck with your next project.

A week or so after I mention that Adrianne Palicki is my new favorite, I hear that she is pegged to play Wonder Woman in the new TV reboot of the classic Linda Carter series.

Based on looks alone, I think Megan Fox would make a better Wonder Woman, but based on her comments about the character, I am glad that she wasn’t cast in the part.

I wish Ms. Palicki the best of luck. I hope her show does better than the Bionic Woman reboot (which I liked, but which suffered from producer interference that ultimately killed the show).

My favorite part of Glee is when they sing and dance, because it pads out the show so I do not have to listen to as much of the annoying dialogue. Actually, my favorite parts are the brief moments of black-screened silence just before they go to a commercial.

We recently attended DragonCon 2010 (my portion of the trip paid for by my favorite client and soon to be employer, OneBookShelf). We had fun and we are glad we went. Here are some of my observations and reflections, in no particular order.

Trader Vic’s

We had dinner Thursday night at Trader Vic’s, a restaurant that claims to have invented the Mai Tai. They certainly do serve a good Mai Tai — no argument there. It’s also a very neat place to eat. I rather wish I had taken some time to wander around and look it over, but I was in the company of a number of OneBookShelf folks and their dates, so this did not occur to me at the time.

Dinner went well. I had some kind of mixed seafood soup, which was quite good. I also somehow managed not to do or say anything irreversibly offensive to the OneBookShelf folks, although I don’t know how I managed it with two Mai Tais in me. I spent most of the time talking about role-playing games with a pleasant fellow named Luke.

The best advice for DragonCon

This was the first (and possibly the last) time we attended DragonCon, so we read up on it to see what sort of advice veterans of the convention had to offer. The best and most useful advice we found was to carry a messenger bag: for snacks, the con schedule, etc. As it happens, I picked up two black leather messenger bags for super cheap a few years ago: this was the first time we had ever used them, and they were invaluable.

Costumes

My camera sucks. It’s fine for outdoor photos in bright daylight (it’s quite good at that, really), but in anything less than bright light, it’s abysmal. It takes several seconds to focus, and anything more than a few meters away in other than bright light will come out dark and murky. Even so, I took a couple of hundred photographs.

There were some amazing costumes. I probably only photographed a quarter of those I saw, and I am sure that I only saw a quarter of those at the convention (if that). The most confusing costumes, I think, were the Dalek women: women dressed not in Dalek costumes, but in Dalek inspired costumes. I saw several over the course of the weekend: each different, but recognizably of the same theme. I still do not understand it.

My favorite costumes were typically very small and worn by slim young women. In my younger, single, sexually frustrated days, I probably would have tried hitting on nearly all of them. I will be forever grateful that those days are behind me, and I can admire young women in costume without wanting any attention from them.

Lines are for suckers

I spent about five hours standing in line on Friday. I got really tired of standing in line, and decided that I would not stand in line (for more than a few minutes, anyway) for the rest of the convention. This actually worked out much better. For the rest of the convention, I showed up a few minutes late, and was immediately seated almost every time. There were two or three panels that were full when I got there, so I had to go find something else, but in some cases the “something else” wound up being really interesting. For example, I saw cool short films such as Heartless and Treevenge.

The one time I did stand in line (after deciding not to do so anymore) was for a horror movie panel. I got in line 15 minutes before the panel was scheduled to start, and stood in line for 45 minutes (this is not a typo). Thirty minutes after the panel was supposed to start, the person at the door told us that the room had filled up an hour ago, and that we were all standing in line for nothing.

Thank you so very much, mister con staff person.

The best panels

The most entertaining panel was the one with Dana Snyder (and some other folks from Adult Swim). Dana Snyder is the voice for Master Shake on Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and the voice of The Alchemist on Venture Bros. I laughed almost continuously. He is a funny, funny guy.

The most unexpectedly interesting panel was the one with Luke Perry (best known for 90210, although he is or was apparently in a post-apocalyptic television series that I have never seen). He told stories about movies he’d worked on and directors he’d worked with.

And of course the aforementioned short films were (mostly) very entertaining.

Friends make a con worthwhile

I am very glad that my spouse went with me to the convention. We were able to keep each other company. I can’t imagine how dull it would have been, had I been alone. I knew no one else there, and frankly, attending a con alone is depressing.

Celebrities are not your friends

I had an odd realization on Friday night, after waiting in line for over an hour to get into the MST3K / Cinematic Titanic panel (which wound up just being a Cinematic Titanic panel, despite what the program schedule stated — and one fan who asked about that was mocked by the panel moderator, which was pretty damned childish, in my opinion). After waiting for over an hour in line, outside, a block away, I finally got in and got a seat which was not too bad. When the panel started soliciting questions, I got in line, but they stopped taking questions after the person in front of me asked his. Eh: it happens. Then they showed a Cinematic Titanic film that I own and had seen a few times already. The aspect ratio was wrong (it was 4:3, and was supposed to be 16:9). I informed the projectionist, but he could not figure out how to fix it, so he didn’t. The movie thus being unwatchable, I left and found something else to do (a very entertaining panel on steampunk in film: one of the panelists being Hunter Cressall of “the Mac killed my inner child” fame).

Earlier that day, I had spent over an hour waiting in line on the sixth floor for a pair panels (one after the other) on the eighth floor (I do not know how many floors down the line went) featuring Bill Corbett and Trace Beaulieu (both formerly of MST3K: Corbett is now part of RiffTrax, while Beaulieu is part of Cinematic Titanic). The panels were both very entertaining. Corbett read a short stage play he’d written, while Beaulieu had some of his friends (MST3K alumni, mostly) read verses from his book, Silly Rhymes For Belligerent Children. I enjoyed both panels a great deal, and bought the book by Beaulieu (illustrated by the talented Len Peralta). But here’s the thing: practically the whole cast of MST3K was there in the front row, and I spoke to them. I asked Frank Conniff (TV’s Frank) when they would be available for autographs (I had brought my Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie DVD to the convention for that purpose), and I spoke briefly to Beaulieu when he signed my copy of the book (I said something inane; he said something polite).

But something was off somehow. I realized, later, after they stopped taking questions right when it was my turn, what it was:

These people are not my friends.

This may seem obvious to you, and yes, it is, really. I never thought they were my friends. But I felt that they were, and so I was, for reasons that were not immediately obvious to me, disappointed and a bit hurt when they did not seem as happy to see me as I was to see them. This was an emotional, not intellectual reaction, and it took a bit of reflection for me to realize the source of these feelings.

I am not one who is a “fan”, of shows or celebrities. I do not write them letters. I do not join fan clubs. I do not follow their real life exploits and send them congratulations when they have a baby or win an award. I do not defend or attack them in chat rooms.

But you have to understand: I have been going to sleep while Mystery Science Theater 3000 plays (originally on Comedy Central, and later on DVD after I discovered the Digital Archive Project) for nearly 20 years. Every night for between ten minutes and ninety minutes, Joel, Mike, Josh, Frank, Dr. Forrester, etc. have been entertaining me and helping me calm down from a stressful day and fall asleep. Naturally, I also watch it in the daytime, from time to time (but less frequently as the years go by). There is probably no one on earth in whose company I have spent more time, other than my spouse, than the cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000. So while I know that these are just television shows, and that the people on screen are not real people, but simply characters played by actors, twenty years of familiarity with them had built up this emotional expectation. The realization that this emotional expectation was not realistic was … disappointing.

To be clear, I do not blame any of the MST3K alumni for treating me as a stranger. To them, that’s what I am. They weren’t rude or unkind.

But they are not my friends (although the real Trace Beaulieu seems like an interesting guy).

I never did get my DVD signed. I could have: it just did not seem worth the effort.

Oh, and my question would have been: “What projects are you working on, or have you worked on, that you wish more people knew about and paid attention to?”

Final thoughts

I am glad that we went to DragonCon, and I am grateful to OneBookShelf for picking up the tab for the trip. However, I feel no great desire to return. I dislike crowds, and as I said, I am not generally one to fawn over celebrities. Other than the celebrities and the short films, the rest of panels were essentially the same as one can find at any science fiction convention (such as RavenCon, where I am now the Programing Director). Add to that the fact that we had no one to hang out with, and would probably have no one were we to return, and there really isn’t any reason for us to attend DragonCon again.