Blackmoor Vituperative

I am in the market for a new cell phone. My only real requirements are that it have Bluetooth, GSM, and GPRS: I travel from timeto time, and I use the cell phone to connect my Palm to the Internet. This has virtually saved my life on several occasions, such as when I was on a military compound in an industrial area of Prague, needed to find a hotel, couldn’t figure out how to use the telephone, and couldn’t find anyone who spoke English (it’s all I can do to say “please” and “thank you” in Czech). Using my Palm and my cell phone, I was able to find a hotel, make reservations, and even arrange for a day trip to Kutna Hora. The tour guide we booked was excellent, but unfortunately I can’t seem to find any information about them online. I believe the name of the company was “Jopi”. [Correction: the name of the company is Jomys.]

So anyway, I need a cell phone with Bluetooth, GSM, and GPRS. Not too much to ask. Unfortunately, like hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of people, I work in a facility where cameras are forbidden. For reasons which elude me, I have not been able to find any cell phones meeting my requirements which are not encumbered by a damnable camera. I even called T-Mobile and asked them, and they said they didn’t have anything meeting my three other requirements but which did not also have a camera.

This is insane. Who the hell thought putting cameras in cell phones was a good idea, anyway? It has to be one of the dumbest examples of “convergence” that I have ever seen. “Hey, here’s an idea: let’s just get rid of privacy altogether, and put a camera on every thrice-damned cell phone! Just think of the voyeuristic posssibilities! Cameras in every public restroom! Cameras in every movie theatre! Cameras in every doctor’s office!” Whatever moron put this idiocy in motion should be slapped senseless and then dropped into the ocean. They aren’t even good cameras: they’re the crappiest quality cameras in existence, useless for any real photography. The only consequence of having a crappy camera in a cell phone is to prevent people from being able to carry them anywhere cameras are forbidden. This is infuriatingly stupid. I am probably going to have to buy a phone with a camera, and then take a soldering iron to the damned camera lens.